When I was younger I ran from the mundane. I actually rebelled against the idea of just surviving life….just getting up and going to work to pay the bills then coming home. I lived simply in a shack with literally  four rooms total and no hallway…just four adjoining rooms in the ghetto. I drove an old car that was already paid off, and I still do that out of necessity. I did not tie myself down with marriage or children. Most of my 20’s I lived outside of the limits and expectations of society. I was spontaneous. I traveled. I played a lot! I spent much of my time at the beach. I stayed up all night and saw many sunrises as well as sunsets. I got really in tune with nature. I had many encounters with dolphins, and it was almost as if I could call them in, and they would come. There was something magical about that time. I worked jobs and went to school somewhere in there, but that was not even my priority.

I always used to say, “I watched my parents live their lives going to work and coming home doing things that they really didn’t even care much about just to get by, and they did not seem happy. I will not do that!”

Like most people in their 20’s I was very idealistic. I was very positive, and I just knew that I could change the world.

Towards the end of my 20’s life slowly began to lasso me in and tie me down. And by our 30’s my husband and I somehow got sucked into the machine, and we ended up working and coming home too tired to do anything else. We just had to do what we had to do to pay our bills, and we had to be “responsible” like society demands. We succumbed to the very thing that we had been running from and refusing to conform to for so long. It seemed like we didn’t really have a choice.

Why do so many of us as adults just end up in this daily grind. It is like we just fall asleep, and life becomes this routine of working, paying bills, taking care of business, and doing the “right” thing so that we can “get by.” Sure, we have some fun in there sometimes. We have some laughs and some good times. We do some great things for others, but most of the time many of us seem to be just sleep walking through life in this daily grind. It seems like we escape it for a moment only to get sucked right back into the black hole of surviving life in a sleepy haze of “have to’s.”

I fought it tooth and nail, and it still happened to me! There is something not right about this.

I need to wake up again. I crave a richer more exotic experience in this life. This life is so short, but on this physical plane it seems like we are so slowed down. It is as if our spirits have to slow their vibrations way down in order to remain with our heavy physical bodies so life just seems heavy at times.

That rebelliousness against conforming to the mundane machine is still flickering inside me. There has got to be a better way to live. The more we have the heavier we get and the more we get tied to the ground.

I do not think that I was made to be tied to the ground. I feel like I was made to fly because there is a restlessness inside me that just keeps whispering, “This is not all there is. There is more.”

As I align myself with the flow of God and get more in harmony with God’s song I feel the weight of this more. I feel the need to throw off more and more of the heaviness that keeps me bound to what is “expected” of me as an adult. I do not want being responsible to become my new bondage. Yes….I want to be responsible but not bound by it.

I want to wake up now. I want to be awake and alive now. I do not want to sleep through this short life only to wake up when I die and say, “Oh my word! I missed the whole thing, and it’s already over!”

God…..move me. Open my heart. Fill me up, and wake me up to the beauty and the fullness of life that is here now. Pour your light into me. Lighten me, and lift me up on the wind of your breath. Let me fly again.

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